It just happened. Seemingly, out of nowhere, while talking to my wife one day on the phone, I burst into tears. All in one moment, I felt stress and anxiety leaving my body and an amazing sense that I was loved very deeply. Though I was carrying many things on my mind and heart during that time, I realize now that my tears were serving a more profound purpose than merely to keep my eyes from drying out. In fact, when Mandi heard me weep through the phone receiver she immediately felt compassion for me, listening to me speak about all that I was processing at the time. Looking back, I understand that in the midst of that cathartic emotional outburst, God was speaking to me through my teary experience. In that moment the Lord was reminding me yet again that Jesus' love for me is so deep and wide and long that only God could articulate it through my tears: "I love you with all that I am. I'm here. I understand. And I'm holding you while you cry. Your tears demonstrate that only I can love you best for they are proof that I will never leave you, nor will I ever, ever abandon you, my child." Speaking from experience, God uses my tears as a way for me to succumb to Jesus' merciful embrace, to find peace, and to worship the Lord with all my heart, mind and strength. In fact, my humble tears are the places where God's strength meets my limits of comprehension.
And wow, praise the Lord, I'm so grateful for it all.
Years ago, while Gregg led the choir one Sunday morning in a Stephen Curtis Chapman anthem of "His Strength is Perfect," I burst into tears. Out of the blue the tune of the song and its powerful lyrics brought me into the Throne Room of Grace, and I was worshiping the Father in Spirit and in Truth in that very second. How lovely! How beautiful! It was as if only Jesus and I were in the sanctuary and I was getting to see God, as Isaiah did (Isa. 6), high and lifted up--I felt unworthy, yet fully loved, and completely set free...all in one moment in time. Then after the choir finished its final note, Gregg saw me weeping on the front pew. He walked down the platform steps and sat down next to me, placed his compassionate arm around me and immediately began praying for me. In that instant I felt loved, honored and accepted--and my tears were the gateway for all of these spiritual blessings.
I've learned, during my life, to be grateful for my tears. One of my favorite Frederick Buechner quotes addresses this glorious phenomenon we observe known as crying (the following was originally published in "Whistling in the Dark"):
You never know what may cause them. The sight of the Atlantic Ocean can do it, or a piece of music, or a face you've never seen before. A pair of somebody's old shoes can do it. Almost any movie made before the great sadness that came over the world after the Second World War, a horse cantering across a meadow, the high school basketball team running out onto the gym floor at the start of a game. You can never be sure. But of this you can be sure. Whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention.
They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are, but more often than not God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go to next.
In John 11, Mary and Martha are distraught, grieving over the passing of their dear brother Lazarus and upset that Jesus didn't show up earlier to prevent it from happening. In the shortest verse in the Bible (John 11:35), we read, "Jesus wept." It's anyone's guess as to why Jesus shed tears in that moment, but biblical scholars will attempt to share their interpretations. Jesus felt the grief of his friends. Jesus was pained by the wounds of sin and death. Jesus had profound pity on those who didn't understand that he alone is the Resurrection and the Life. Some or all of this could be Jesus' reason for tears, but I'd like for us to think about God from a place of thanksgiving. How wonderful it is to know that the God of the universe shows us Jesus' love, simultaneously, for both Father and all of suffering humanity?! How comforting it is to know that God in the flesh shed real, human tears too, and in some mysterious, beautiful way felt a divine embrace that allowed Christ to profoundly feel the Oneness of his Father's Love?
And isn't this the truth of what Buechner calls "the secret of who [we] are?"
Tears reveal the presence and love of Jesus.
Tears show us that we are not alone.
Tears demonstrate that God understands when we don't have the energy to try.
Tears insist that God will never give up nor let us go.
Letus consider this upcoming Thanksgiving season as an opportunity to exercise gratitude for our tears. When we look at tears from this perspective, we approach the necessity of grieving as another manifestation of worship--we now know that what we cannot control, fix or solve is the place where God steps in and says, "I'm here, I know why it's happening, and most of all, I love you too much to leave you alone. Let me use the gift of time and my Spirit to bring you to a place of wholeness once again. And may all this remind you that you're always in my ever-capable hands, dear one!"
So...what about you, dear friend? Has your perspective changed re: your tears? How is God asking you to view your crying as worship, as the necessary embrace given by your heavenly Father? What will it mean to you now that you know your tears are the place where Immanuel steps in and provides you peace in your personal chaos?
Buechner is right--pay attention to your tears. I have a feeling that where you are to go next won't necessarily be a destination that meets your goals, needs or dreams. Instead, the destination where your tears take you is always the journey of walking with Jesus, learning more of his character and soaking in all of the ways he offers his sacrificial love to you (and all people) on a daily basis. Remember his promise?: "Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matt.11:28-30, NRSV). Our tears always transport us more deeply into the heart of God.
After all, "There is a place of quiet rest, near to the heart of God" (as author Cleland Boyd McAfee reveals to us in the well-known hymn). So go on and cry if you need to, shed expected tears and be at peace for those tears that arrive unexpectedly, too. And please, whatever you do, be grateful for your tears! They are proof that God is alive, and that Christ Jesus is intimately holding you close to himself. Thank God for your tears, for in so doing, you're thanking our Savior for letting us experience God, face-to-face and heart-to-heart. In other words, you're caught up in the blissful blessing ofworship.
And by the way, stay in that posture of worship for as long as you can--Jesus will never let you go, even when he sends you out to serve his people with compassion and care.
Grateful for my tears at a time of Thanksgiving--and grateful for you!
Pastor Will
><> John 3:30 <><
